This
morning when I went to get my little babe out of her crib...she was standing
up, eagerly awaiting my arrival and was beaming from ear to ear as soon as her
little eyes saw me walk through her door. She was wearing her pink thermal
pajamas - and it struck me what a big girl she has become! When did my little
7lb 9oz tiny baby start wearing two piece pajama sets and now stands, arms
stretched for me waiting for me to scoop her out of her crib?
I
know a mom plays an important role in her daughter's life. I see this more and
more each day. And I see this with my mom - we grow up watching our mom -
watching how she reacts to situations, to us... And this is where I am now in
life - I have a daughter that is learning from me, even when I am not actively
teaching her. The other day I ran into what you are about to read - and it just
made sense. So for all the moms with daughters reading my blog today, this is
for you.
Rules
for Mothers with Daughters
1. Paint her nails. Then let her scratch it
off and dirty them up. Teach her to care about her appearance, and then quickly
remind her that living and having fun is most important.
2. Let her put on your
makeup, even
if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her
experiment in her attempts to be like you…then let her be herself.
3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay
home and read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a
motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall
in love with the wrong boy, or meet mr. right at age 5. Try to remember that
you were her age once. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own.
4. Be present. Be there for her at her
Kindergarten performances, her dance recitals, her soccer games…her
everyday-little-moments. When she looks through the crowds of people, she will
be looking for your smile and pride. Show it to her as often as possible.
5. Encourage her to try on your shoes and
play dress-up. If she would rather wear her brother’s superman cape with high
heals, allow it. If she wants to wear a tutu or dinosaur costume to the grocery
store, why stop her? She needs to decide who she is and be confident in her
decision.
6. Teach her to be independent. Show her by example that
woman can be strong. Find and follow your own passions. Search for outlets of
expression and enjoyment for yourself- not just your husband or children.
Define yourself by your own attributes, not by what others expect you to be.
Know who you are as a person, and help your daughter find out who she is.
7. Pick flowers with her. Put them in her hair.
There is nothing more beautiful.
8. Let her get messy. Get messy with her, no matter how much it makes you cringe
inside. Splash in the puddles, throw snowballs, make mud pies, finger paint the
walls: just let it happen. The most wonderful of memories are often the messy
ones.
9. Give her good role models- you being one of
them. Introduce her to successful woman- friends, co-workers,
doctors, astronauts, or authors. Read to her about influential
woman- Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Marie Curie. Read her the
words of inspirational woman- Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily
Dickinson. She should know that anything is possible.
10. Show her affection. Daughters will mimic the
compassion of their mother. “I love yous” and Eskimo kisses go a long way.
11. Hold her hand. Whether she is 3
years-old in the parking lot or sixteen years old in the mall, hold on to her
always- this will teach her to be confident in herself and proud of her family.
12. Believe in her. It is the moments that
she does not believe in herself that she will need you to believe enough for
both of you. Whether it is a spelling test in the first grade, a big game or
recital, a first date, or the first day of college…remind her of the
independent and capable woman you have taught her to be.
13. Tell her how beautiful she is. Whether it is her first
day of Kindergarten, immediately after a soccer game where she is grass-stained
and sweaty, or her wedding day. She needs your reminders. She needs your pride.
She needs your reassurance. She is only human.
14.
Love her father. Teach
her to love a good man, like him. One who lets her be herself…she is after all
wonderful.
15.
Make forts with boxes and blankets. Help her to find magic in the ordinary, to imagine,
to create and to believe in fairy tales. Someday she will make her 5 by 5
dorm-room her home with magic touches and inspiration. And she will fall in
love with a boy and believe him to be Prince Charming.
16.
Read to her. Read
her Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle. But also remember the power of Sylvia Plath and
Robert Frost. Show her the beauty of words on a page and let her see you enjoy
them. Words can be simply written and simply spoken, yet can harvest
so much meaning. Help her to find their meaning.
17.
Teach her how to love- with passion and kisses. Love her passionately. Love
her father passionately and her siblings passionately. Express your
love. Show her how to love with no restraint. Let her get her heart
broken and try again. Let her cry, and gush, giggle and scream. She will love
like you love or hate like you hate. So, choose love for both you and
her.
18.
Encourage her to dance and sing. Dance and sing with her- even if it sounds or looks
horrible. Let her wiggle to nursery rhymes. Let her dance on her daddy's
feet and spin in your arms. Then later, let her blast noise and headbang
in her bedroom with her door shut if she wants. Or karaoke to Tom Petty in the
living room if she would rather. Introduce her to the classics- like The
Beatles- and listen to her latest favorite- like Taylor Swift. Share the magic
of music together, it will bring you closer- or at least create a soundtrack to
your life together.
19.
Share secrets together. Communicate. Talk. Talk about anything. Let
her tell you about boys, friends, school. Listen. Ask questions. Share dreams,
hopes, concerns. She is not only your daughter, you are not only her mother. Be
her friend too.
20.
Teach her manners. Because sometimes you have to be her mother, not just her
friend. The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.
21.
Teach her when to stand-up and when to walk away. Whether she has classmates who
tease her because of her glasses, or a boyfriend who tells her she is too fat -
let her know she does not have to listen. Make sure she knows how to
demand respect - she is worthy of it. It does not mean she has to fight
back with fists or words, because sometimes you say more with silence. Also
make sure she knows which battles are worth fighting. Remind her that
some people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy, or other
personal reasons. Help her to understand when to shut her mouth and walk-away.
Teach her to be the better person.
22.
Let her choose who she loves. Even when you see through the charming boy she thinks he
is, let her love him without your disapproving words; she will anyway. When he
breaks her heart, be there for her with words of support rather than I
told-you-so. Let her mess up again and again until she finds the one. And when
she finds the one, tell her.
23.
Mother her. Being
a mother - to her - is undoubtedly one of your
greatest accomplishments. Share with her the joys of
motherhood, so one day she will want to be a mother too. Remind her over
and over again with words and kisses that no one will ever love her like you
love her. No one can replace or replicate a mother's love for their
children.
24.
Comfort her. Because sometimes you just need your mommy. When she
is sick, rub her back, make her soup and cover her in blankets - no matter how
old she is. Someday, if she is giving birth to her own child, push her
hair out of her face, encourage her, and tell her how beautiful she is.
These are the moments she will remember you for. And someday when
her husband rubs her back in attempt to comfort her...she may just whisper,
"I need my mommy."
