The final day of August and I took this photograph when the sun was shining golden in the early hours.

Today we celebrated my man's 33rd birthday.

His birthday also marks 15 years we've been together. . .we've seen a lot together, experienced a lot too. We married quite young, but that gave us a good early start in life. We spent our first year of marriage gathering our dreams while working hard through the start of our careers. Our 2nd year of marriage we bought out first home. The week we moved into the new house, Jon also started his Graduate Degree. Our house was in a raw state of remodeling so we worked long days, came home and worked long nights with Jon trading his hours between his graduate degree homework and working on the house together. We poured long hard hours into our new life. We were living the definition of hard work and seeing the very very very slow reward of payoff.

The years ticketed on and we started traveling the world together. We snorkeled The Baths in The British Virgin Islands, zip lined in Antigua, cave tubed in Belize. We took a Spanish tour of an ancient castle in Guatemala. . .not understanding a SINGLE word! We sailed a yacht around The Arch of Cabo San Lucas. Together we hiked the Grand Canyon...twice. And together we have watched our newborn babies catch their first breath. 15 years in and I hope we are still in the beginning of our life together.

Here's to many many many more birthday's together!

It's my sweet man's birthday eve today. . .Chloe and I spent some time this afternoon baking cupcakes in preparation for tomorrow (however they did not make it that far as we enjoyed them for desert instead...yolo). Chloe was keeping herself busy on the counter behind me when I heard her counting. . ."one, two, three, four...five, six, seven, eight, nine...ten and eleven!". FIRST time I've heard her count all the way up to 11! I was so proud of her! Highlight of our day, for sure. . .especially when she agreed to do it another 5 times for me :)

Our little guy is 6 months old today! 1/2 a year old. . .how is it possible that it feels like just yesterday I held my brand new baby boy. 6 months ago tonight I lay consumed in pain, consumed in love...consumed in complete adoration for this little guy. I hardly remember life without his sparkle.

Tonight he laughs and giggles . . . connects and loves us back.

I'd like to place an order for 10 more, please.

I planted our christmas tree tonight. I'm not gonna set my hopes too high and expect to decorate it this Christmas. . .after all, its taken 8 months for this lil guy to grow 1 inch. So much for a quick growing evergreen. Sheesh.

Your warm cup of coffee rests in your hands... you look down and watch the pattern of the teaspoon swirl slowly dissolve as the motion dissipates. With the morning stillness around you, what runs through your mind as you look deep into the undissolved coffee grounds that still float in your mug? Lately it been in moments like these that I feel the gentle nudge. We are not here to work, pay bills and repeat. We are here, on a journey to there.

Funny story from today :)

Our landscaper's name is Greg. Chloe can't pronounce the G or the R so she just calls him Leg. This morning I was trying to teach her how to pronounce the G sound. That conversation went like this:

Me : Chloe - it's like G for Goat....gggg goat. Greg.
Chloe: ggggg...Goat Leg.

haha! So. . .Goat Leg it is.

Jon and I spent the day together. Just him and I - no interruptions. We're so accustomed to holding a minimum of two conversations at any given moment, so to be able to sit and completely finish out a sentence was a treat!

As the sun made its departure this evening, it cast a golden hue that made the rain saturated earth glow. The air was humid enough to hold this golden light for longer than normal. And it was beautiful.

This evening it rained. . .and it was good. See yesterdays post as to why. I won't be that neighbor again - for tonight anyway :)

Today it rained. In fact is poured! And it was good coz that relieved me of one chore this evening - watering my flowers. Normally by the time we get the kids in bed, dinner cleaned up, and the house in order...I'm that weird neighbor outside watering their flowers in the dark.

Also, on the way home from picking the kids up from school Chloe was making a real noise in the backseat - acting like a strapped down monkey was more like it. I was in the midst of telling her to relax   when Declan looked over at her and let out a BIG belly laugh...and he belly laughed the rest of the way home :) Gosh, it is incredible watching the way those two interact with each other!

So, what was your good thing from today?

Today we had church at the downtown Knoxville amphitheater...4 services coming together as 1 @ Northstar - the church we go to. It was an excellent service on "every season has a reason". . .reminded me of my gran coz she had a pin she'd wear that said the same thing. The entire service I kept thinking about how familiar the term was that the service was focused on. . .kept thinking about my gran, over and over again. I remember when I was a child not understanding the TRUE meaning of it. When we become adults. . .and then life starts truly happening around us, we realize just how seasonal everything is. Hardships. And when we're on top of the world. All cyclical. Jon and I had a valley a couple months ago. . .all through that valley we kept reminding each other that it was for a reason. We were coming out of this with a good lesson learned. A few scars sure. . .but we have since overlooked those scars because we learned SO MUCH. It was a hard season, but we had hope.

Valley or Mountain. . .where are you right now?

Today we painted these pebble monsters . . .

Then we wiped the non-washable paint off as best we could and hopped in our 1968 VW Beetle, rolled the windows down and zipped through the neighborhood enjoying the late summer afternoon breeze.  That was for sure the highlight of our day! Wind blowing, the little engine roaring, big smiles on our faces...it was such a blast!!

We have an artist in the making. If you follow us on Instagram, you'll know what I'm referring to. Ink, chalk, glue - any staining substance really, allows for a better creative mark. It's always that ONE pen, that ONE crayon...that dang piece of bright orange chalk to keeps finding its way into my 2 year old's hands. The other morning Chloe decided our cream rug in the living room would look better if she got on all fours and with great gusto expended all her energy in changing a 2 x 2 foot area to bright yellow. But that orange chalk I mentioned...Declan has a chalk board in his room so while I quickly folded laundry the other day I gave her some chalk to draw with. In 2 minutes flat she had drawn simulated stick people on every.single.wall..the cream carpet, the cream rocking chair, the cream ottoman...in an effort not to leave anything out, she even left her mark on Declan's bookshelves.

This morning Declan and I had an unscheduled appointment with the sunrise. It's been a while since I can honestly say I watched the sun rise. As it was just him and I awake we quietly slipped out of the house making our way into the back garden - and together, with sleepy eyes, we watched a new day begin.

The summer humidity is gone. The air feels like Fall, despite the warmth still present in the air. As the sun was setting this evening we had dinner on our back porch, under the cafe lights, sipping our celebratory wine from last night's closing - listening to cicadas and this.

A couple of years ago I was inspired to focus on one good thing - everyday. It made such a huge impact on my everyday life. Instead of going through the motions of my daily existence, I was now seeking out one good thing. I only did it for 30 days, but those 30 days were a game changer.  It led to an adjustment of my thought pattern.

Now, my son's huge unexpected grin that he throws my way as he catches me watching him - noted, appreciated - stored away in the memory file of "good things". My daughter, throwing aside her fork and grabbing her spaghetti by the fistfuls, feeding herself in true primal fashion...mid mouthful she looks over at her daddy, who is eyeing her method of feeding herself, and says "daddy, I love your face". It's THESE things! These moments! Stop, recognize, appreciate. Stopping to acknowledge the small things, leads us to appreciating life a whole lot more. It's a real challenge - no easy task, especially if you are photographically capturing the moments like I did, but so worth it.

How many sunsets have you missed because you were too busy to stop and realize God was shifting the earth to bring you an incredible, mind blowing display of orange and pink - and the display was happening without you stopping to acknowledge it? When did you last stop and give your kitty a good rub and listened as she gave a deep throaty purr, or scratched your dogs ears and got a good laugh from the way he beat his leg to the steady rhythm of appreciation?

I've been feeling a push the last few weeks to carve out a special place in my blog to focus on the good in this life. Small things throughout our daily motions that we should focus on - because they are GOOD! Join me on this journey, leave your one good thing in the comments if you wish - but document it!
8.12.15
Today we finally closed on the sale of one of our flip houses! The closing date has been continually delayed for 6 weeks. . .but today everything was made final!

. . . fast forward the wheelchair ride across to labor and delivery and contractions that have kicked up a notch -  but I'm too focused on my little guy and his well being at this point to care about anything else. My little boy - 37 weeks of constant nurture and now what? It's the unknown at this point. Once in the labor and delivery ward I was taken immediately to my room to prep for surgery. My room was hurried with activity - nurses taking my blood pressure, another putting in an IV, another readying my charts. . .surgery now minutes away and Jon was still not there. Jon and my mom had been trying to organize someone to watch Chloe on such short notice. Our original plan was to have my mom watch her while we had the baby - but you know what they say about birth plans? Yeah. . .THANKFULLY one of Chloe's teachers from school so kindly agreed to watch her last minute. And I mean totally last minute! God send. Seriously. So - finally, Chloe taken care of and Jon was darting through traffic in a hurried effort to make it to the hospital on time.

Surgery room was waiting for me...I was all kitted out for surgery, and BOOM - my knight in shining armor walks through the door! Jon had arrived. . .relief can hardly describe that moment. He had hardly caught his breath before the nurse was literally dressing him in surgery gear. Moments later, off we rolled to surgery with quick goodbyes to my mom and cousin Wendy. Once we got to the OR Jon was asked to stay in the waiting area while they did my spinal block and started additional IV's. Everything was smooth sailing and even deemed heavenly when I was wrapped in a warm blanket! Completely numb from waist down, snug as a bug and ready to meet our baby boy. They brought a chair in for Jon to be able to sit beside me...despite being the strong leader of our little family, he is known to crumble at the sight of blood. But no - Jon insists on being apart of the entire c-section and wants to watch the ENTIRE thing. And he did too. . . he watched every single moment and was even kind enough to photograph everything incase I ever wanted a detailed step by step of what my c-section looked like from his vantage point.  First half of surgery went really well...and Declan was delivered safely at 6:36pm!

He was INCREDIBLE!! So pink and tiny!!
6lbs 6 oz and 19 inches long. Ahh man, we were in LOVE! We watched them weigh him, clean him up and run his initial tests. He was so content despite being brought so quickly into a bright, cold world! Laying eyes on that little boy - my world was complete, I tell ya.

2 minutes after Declan was delivered I started noticing really sharp pains in my heart. It wasn't my the muscles around my heart, or referred pain...it was my heart. Within seconds of the pain starting it intensified dramatically. I remember repeating over and over "my heart, my heart"...and then I couldn't catch my breath. I was trying so hard to tell the nurse that my heart was hurting, yet I didn't have the ability to completely alert her to the seriousness of it as my diaphragm was not allowing me to take a breath. They kept telling me to relax everything was okay. . .but my body rejected their statements by going into shock. I started throwing up and before I could adjust to this fact, the Anesthetist put me under general anesthetic.

Declan was blissfully unaware and safely in his daddy's arms at this point. Swaddled and being held close, Declan enjoyed the sound of his daddy's voice while the hum of surgery continued.

Jon wasn't too worried about my unconscious state as the Doctors had reassured him that everything was okay. Which it was until my continued throwing up ripped open ALL the stitches that they had been working on. Mucho bleeding. And so they had to start again. My quick 40 minute c-section turned into 90 minutes thanks to me reopening the surgeons hard work. Almost done with the re-suturing they decided to bring me around - only to quickly put me BACK under when I started throwing up again.

About 60 seconds before they wheeled me out of surgery they brought me back around a 2nd time. Just enough for my drugged self to realize  I was ALIVE! Boy - that was a GREAT feeling!

Back in my room and despite my attempts to be fully present I was struggling tremendously against the anesthetic. I was fighting nausea and vomiting while trying so hard to connect with Declan while nursing him. I remember holding him close as my sister and cousin helped me through the waves of throwing up. I was fighting myself...and loosing the battle. I just wanted to be present in this pivotal moment but was struggling tremendously.

We had such a great support structure around us that I at least felt reassured. My mama bear instincts relaxed knowing that the continues care he was receiving meant he was being well taken care of. He enjoyed his first bath, was swaddle and tucked safely back in my arms.

The next 24 hours Jon and I were able to spend alot of one on one time with our brand new bundle of sweetness. He was so tiny, so content and so incredibly lovable!

About 30 hours after having Declan I developed a cerebrospinal fluid leak from the spinal block. I battled the side effects of that for 24 hours before making the decision to have an epidural blood patch. With a 94% success rate I was feeling confident that the spinal fluid leak would be resolved. It was, for a few hours before my spinal fluid started leaking again. 2nd time around the leak was slower, yet the side effects over time incredibly intensified.  At this point I was in the process of being discharged. All I wanted was to be home, in my own surroundings. So we packed up and took our tiny tiny little guy home to be with his big sister. What a glorious feeling! Walking into our house, baby in hand and another to give us a big bear hug upon our arrival...so amazing!

We got through our first night home - earned that medal :) But the next morning Jon had to rush me back to the hospital as my headaches from the spinal leak were so bad I could not even lift my head. I was admitted back into the hospital in order to undergo another epidural blood patch. This time it had a 98%+ success rate. The anesthetist even saying I was one of his first patients to even need a 2nd. I braved the procedure...and was placed on my back again in order to allow for it to take effect. When it had, they sat me up - IMMEDIATELY it was evident that it had failed. My doctor sat across from me and said...well, only thing I can think of now is a really really high dose of caffeine as it is known to slow the leak. So thats what I did...and the combination worked. Relief!! I was released several hours later, and FINALLY we could settle in as a family and begin the healing and adjustment phase.

Declan was incredibly patient with his mommy throughout it all. Jon stepped in and handled EVERYTHING...allowing me to heal. Chloe was just relieved to have us all home after our 4 day absence! It takes an army sometimes...and without the added help of my folks, all my sisters (Jon's included) my cousin who flew across the world to be there, and so many others who helped out...the experience would have been so much harder.

We walked away from it all though with a healthy, AMAZING boy. He shines so bright in our world.

My prediction was that Declan was coming in the 37th week. I had Chloe at 37 weeks 6 days. . .so I just KNEW that Declan would be here around the same timeframe. 37 weeks 3 days I went into labor. The day began like all others - we got up, got ready...but when I sat Chloe down for breakfast at 8:24am I had my first contraction. Nothing too serious - just a small mild contraction but enough to get my attention. So I started timing them. On my second contraction 8 minutes later, my mom phoned me and immediately said "whats going on, I know something's happening?!". Mother's intuition, I tell ya :)