. . . fast forward the wheelchair ride across to labor and delivery and contractions that have kicked up a notch -  but I'm too focused on my little guy and his well being at this point to care about anything else. My little boy - 37 weeks of constant nurture and now what? It's the unknown at this point. Once in the labor and delivery ward I was taken immediately to my room to prep for surgery. My room was hurried with activity - nurses taking my blood pressure, another putting in an IV, another readying my charts. . .surgery now minutes away and Jon was still not there. Jon and my mom had been trying to organize someone to watch Chloe on such short notice. Our original plan was to have my mom watch her while we had the baby - but you know what they say about birth plans? Yeah. . .THANKFULLY one of Chloe's teachers from school so kindly agreed to watch her last minute. And I mean totally last minute! God send. Seriously. So - finally, Chloe taken care of and Jon was darting through traffic in a hurried effort to make it to the hospital on time.

Surgery room was waiting for me...I was all kitted out for surgery, and BOOM - my knight in shining armor walks through the door! Jon had arrived. . .relief can hardly describe that moment. He had hardly caught his breath before the nurse was literally dressing him in surgery gear. Moments later, off we rolled to surgery with quick goodbyes to my mom and cousin Wendy. Once we got to the OR Jon was asked to stay in the waiting area while they did my spinal block and started additional IV's. Everything was smooth sailing and even deemed heavenly when I was wrapped in a warm blanket! Completely numb from waist down, snug as a bug and ready to meet our baby boy. They brought a chair in for Jon to be able to sit beside me...despite being the strong leader of our little family, he is known to crumble at the sight of blood. But no - Jon insists on being apart of the entire c-section and wants to watch the ENTIRE thing. And he did too. . . he watched every single moment and was even kind enough to photograph everything incase I ever wanted a detailed step by step of what my c-section looked like from his vantage point.  First half of surgery went really well...and Declan was delivered safely at 6:36pm!

He was INCREDIBLE!! So pink and tiny!!

6lbs 6 oz and 19 inches long. Ahh man, we were in LOVE! We watched them weigh him, clean him up and run his initial tests. He was so content despite being brought so quickly into a bright, cold world! Laying eyes on that little boy - my world was complete, I tell ya.

2 minutes after Declan was delivered I started noticing really sharp pains in my heart. It wasn't my the muscles around my heart, or referred pain...it was my heart. Within seconds of the pain starting it intensified dramatically. I remember repeating over and over "my heart, my heart"...and then I couldn't catch my breath. I was trying so hard to tell the nurse that my heart was hurting, yet I didn't have the ability to completely alert her to the seriousness of it as my diaphragm was not allowing me to take a breath. They kept telling me to relax everything was okay. . .but my body rejected their statements by going into shock. I started throwing up and before I could adjust to this fact, the Anesthetist put me under general anesthetic.

Declan was blissfully unaware and safely in his daddy's arms at this point. Swaddled and being held close, Declan enjoyed the sound of his daddy's voice while the hum of surgery continued.

Jon wasn't too worried about my unconscious state as the Doctors had reassured him that everything was okay. Which it was until my continued throwing up ripped open ALL the stitches that they had been working on. Mucho bleeding. And so they had to start again. My quick 40 minute c-section turned into 90 minutes thanks to me reopening the surgeons hard work. Almost done with the re-suturing they decided to bring me around - only to quickly put me BACK under when I started throwing up again.

About 60 seconds before they wheeled me out of surgery they brought me back around a 2nd time. Just enough for my drugged self to realize  I was ALIVE! Boy - that was a GREAT feeling!

Back in my room and despite my attempts to be fully present I was struggling tremendously against the anesthetic. I was fighting nausea and vomiting while trying so hard to connect with Declan while nursing him. I remember holding him close as my sister and cousin helped me through the waves of throwing up. I was fighting myself...and loosing the battle. I just wanted to be present in this pivotal moment but was struggling tremendously.

We had such a great support structure around us that I at least felt reassured. My mama bear instincts relaxed knowing that the continues care he was receiving meant he was being well taken care of. He enjoyed his first bath, was swaddle and tucked safely back in my arms.

The next 24 hours Jon and I were able to spend alot of one on one time with our brand new bundle of sweetness. He was so tiny, so content and so incredibly lovable!

About 30 hours after having Declan I developed a cerebrospinal fluid leak from the spinal block. I battled the side effects of that for 24 hours before making the decision to have an epidural blood patch. With a 94% success rate I was feeling confident that the spinal fluid leak would be resolved. It was, for a few hours before my spinal fluid started leaking again. 2nd time around the leak was slower, yet the side effects over time incredibly intensified.  At this point I was in the process of being discharged. All I wanted was to be home, in my own surroundings. So we packed up and took our tiny tiny little guy home to be with his big sister. What a glorious feeling! Walking into our house, baby in hand and another to give us a big bear hug upon our arrival...so amazing!

We got through our first night home - earned that medal :) But the next morning Jon had to rush me back to the hospital as my headaches from the spinal leak were so bad I could not even lift my head. I was admitted back into the hospital in order to undergo another epidural blood patch. This time it had a 98%+ success rate. The anesthetist even saying I was one of his first patients to even need a 2nd. I braved the procedure...and was placed on my back again in order to allow for it to take effect. When it had, they sat me up - IMMEDIATELY it was evident that it had failed. My doctor sat across from me and said...well, only thing I can think of now is a really really high dose of caffeine as it is known to slow the leak. So thats what I did...and the combination worked. Relief!! I was released several hours later, and FINALLY we could settle in as a family and begin the healing and adjustment phase.

Declan was incredibly patient with his mommy throughout it all. Jon stepped in and handled EVERYTHING...allowing me to heal. Chloe was just relieved to have us all home after our 4 day absence! It takes an army sometimes...and without the added help of my folks, all my sisters (Jon's included) my cousin who flew across the world to be there, and so many others who helped out...the experience would have been so much harder.

We walked away from it all though with a healthy, AMAZING boy. He shines so bright in our world.